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Honoring Thy Father and Mother"For the Lord sets a father in honor over his children; a mother's authority he confirms over her sons. He who honors his father atones for sins; he stores up riches who reveres his mother. He who honors his father is gladdened by children, and when he prays he is heard. he who reveres his father will live a long life; he obeys the Lord who brings comfort to his mother." Sirach 3:2-6 Family relationships are hard. As a child hearing this passage, I would think of the ways I had failed to "honor thy father and mother" by disobedience or by lying to them to stay out of trouble. As an adult, I reflect on how my relationship with my parents has changed. The experience of being a parent myself has altered how I view my own upbringing. While in the past, I was quick to judge, I am now quick to forgive. I understand my parents did the best they could and that is all any of us can do. In some respects, the way I parent is different from the way I was raised. But I realize that if I am doing my job, the day will come when at least for that moment, one or both of my children will hate me. I can only hope with time and experience (and, perhaps through the births of their own children) that they, too, will understand that I did the best I could and come to forgive as well. I am thankful that I have reached a stage where my parents are my friends. I enjoy visiting with them. I seek out their advice and consider their counsel when making decisions. I ask for their prayers and in turn, pray for them. I value the relationship that they have with my own children. But there are also times when it is my job to care for them as well. As parents age, honoring thy father and mother takes on a whole new meaning. It can mean having the patience to take them shopping or to doctor's appointments. Depending on what God and life hand us, it may mean years of care or making difficult decisions when they are unable to do so. Eventually, it will mean letting go when they go to God. We hear much about the "sandwich" generation - those with both parents and children to care for. Sometimes with longer life expectancies that sandwich gets extended one generation further where there are either grandparents or grandchildren to care for as well. In all cases, God calls us to respect those in our families who came before us as well as to do our best to bring up those who come after us. That respect is not always easy. We get tired and frustrated and lose our patience. Instead of bringing comfort, we bring pain. Sometimes the pain comes in our direction from both our parents and our children. But God tells us to persevere, to keep trying, to keep loving, and to keep honoring. Patrice Fagnant-MacArthur is editor of Spiritual Woman and author of Letters to Mary from a Young Mother |