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I recently discoverd why I get so stressed out at times. I feel overcommitted and overwhelmed with so much to do, so many places to be at; that I don't have time to think, do necessary household maintenance, or even take care of "me!"
I discovered that I'm unwilling to let any area of my life - "just go." What I mean...I refuse to not be involved with my children so I'm unwilling to give up my volunteering on Thursdays. I am unwilling to let my housework go so I get overwhelmed when I cannot keep things perfectly picked up and caught up. I do not want to give up my "Emphasis On Moms" Ministry so there is work and responsibility with that. I've been late on the last 3 birthday gifts I've sent out - but to not purchase and give gifts to my nieces and nephews - to me; is unthinkable.
See what I mean? I am unwilling to let any area of my life go. So that is my problem and that is why I get stressed because I am trying to fit this vision I have of myself getting it all accomplished and having time for leisure activities as well. It just isn't possible. I know this - I just don't know how to solve it.
I had a conversation with God about it yesterday in my car; as soon as I said, "I know this is my problem, but I don't know how to solve it" - you know what words I heard Him prompt my heart with? "YOU are not to solve it, Dionna - give your days to ME!"
Oh how I want to! And sometimes I think I do - but I'm really not. I am trying to handle everything on my own. I'm trying to be superwoman and tackle everything. I'm trying to find this perfect balance that doesn't exist. I want to relax and let housework go so I can spend more time with my children - but when I do, all I can think about is all the housework that needs to be done! I want to learn that living a life for God is sometimes inconvenient when you are being an example for your children and sharing and giving to others...yet I want to simplify. It's all not possible.
So - I know this is my dilemma. I think it's a dilemma for a lot of women and moms. I don't have any easy answers. I just know that in my day-to-day life - I don't want my children to remember me saying that I was "busy" a lot. And I've said that a lot lately.
So, in front of these witnesses, Lord; I want to give you my days. They may be full - they may be unexpected - but I want to glorify you through these situations. Please help me use judgment in what areas of my life I commit to and in how I handle whatever comes my way. Teach me that "ideal" doesn't exist. That YOUR "ideal' is for me to be ready, able, and willing. I have a heart that needs molding and I know You're trying to teach me lessons. Forgive me for my grumbling and my humanness, Lord. I love you so much and I want to learn what it is You have to teach me. I know it won't be easy to learn to let certain areas of my life go... but acknowledging that that is my problem is a beginning.
~ Dionna Sanchez shares from her heart with moms through her Emphasis On Moms ministry at http://www.EmphasisOnMoms.com http://www.emphasisonmoms.com -- there is a brand new mom mentoring network...take the time to impact another mom's heart and life!