Finding God in the Midst of Pain


by Josie Lapre

When my cancer was discovered I was very scared. I got angry with God. I questioned Him and argued with Him. I wanted to know why he was giving me another cross to bear. I told Him I couldn't carry this cross. This time it was too much. He was giving us a grandchild soon and I was not going to be able to hold him and love him.

This conversation was going on while I was walking back from Forest Park. It was very hot that Sunday afternoon and suddenly I felt a cool breeze blowing across my face. I looked up and saw a bluebird on this long limb. The limb was swaying back and forth, and then I heard a very clear soft voice saying "Don't be afraid, I will take care of you. You will be all right." I started to cry and felt a peaceful calm feeling. I knew then that I was going to be OK.

However the chemotherapy and radiation was so hard. It was unbearable, but I knew that I could go through this because I had God and I had my family. Several times, I did ask God to please take me; I just couldn't take anymore. But Jesus was always with me because I always felt his presence close to me especially when I was alone. All I had to do was ask for his strength and help. This was a powerful experience in spirituality and faith. I finished my chemotherapy in time to feel better and see our first grandchild Dylan being born - What a Gift!



Josie Lapre is a nurse who lives in Springfield, MA with her husband Rick. The above article is an excerpt from a talk given at a Marriage Preparation Day at Holy Name Church in Springfield, MA.



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