Spiritual Woman

This week’s second reading from the Book of Hebrews can be a hard one to swallow.

“Brothers and sisters,
You have forgotten the exhortation addressed to you as children:
‘My son, do not disdain the discipline of the Lord
or lose heart when reproved by him;
for whom the Lord loves, he disciplines;
he scourges every son he acknowledges.’
Endure your trials as ‘discipline’;
God treats you as sons.
For what ‘son’ is there whom his father does not discipline?” (Hebrews 12:5-7)

We don’t like to think of God as disciplining us. The image of God that is most popular today is one of love, but not a parental love. Rather, it is more of a friendship sort of love. God will stick with you no matter what. God will walk with you and have your back and make sure that nothing bad happens to you. God will look the other way when you sin. In the long run, it won’t matter. God will always be there.

It is definitely true that God is always with us. He doesn’t abandon us. We are the ones that turn away from him when we sin. However, as this passage tells us, God’s love is not merely that of friend. It is parental, and as all parents can attest to, this involves not always being your child’s favorite person. It means that sometimes (most of the time) you have to be the one who lays down the law and makes sure it is followed. It means caring more about how your children are developing as moral, socially-responsible people than whether or not they like you at the moment. It means taking away privileges and enforcing time-outs (later known as groundings.) It means taking away car keys and making curfews, and saying “No, you cannot do that” and holding your ground even when you are told repeatedly, “But Mom, everyone else is doing it.” It means teaching hard lessons and sometimes inflicting punishments that hurt you every bit as much (if not more) than they hurt your child. It means watching your child cry and knowing it is for his own good even as it breaks your heart. And we are only human parents with human parental love! Imagine what this must be like for God.

God doesn’t want to punish us any more than we want to punish our children. He doesn’t do it to be mean or to exert His incredible power. But, sometimes, we force His hand. We make some bad choices and He lets us suffer the consequences of our actions. He wants us to learn a lesson and correct our lives for the benefit of our eternal souls. Sometimes, we can be quite stubborn and it takes a great deal of correction for us to get the message. But, it is always for our eternal good.

God does love us with an everlasting love. He doesn’t want us to suffer. Our suffering is a result of sin, both the general sin in the world, and our own personal sin. Like the parent who must discipline as part of bringing up a child, God has our best interests at heart. He wants us to learn and make progress on our spiritual journey. When we are being disciplined by God, it is a sign of His love. It means He hasn’t given up on us. For that, we should be incredibly thankful.

Everyday Wisdom (Spiritual Refreshment for Women)
by Joan C. Webb
Barbour Publishing, 2010

“Everyday Wisdom” is one of those delightful little devotional books that fits easily into a purse or briefcase. Featuring quotes from Proverbs and short reflections on those quotes, it provides quick bursts of wisdom. Well-organized by topic, it is easy to find exactly the words of guidance that you need at that moment. Beautifully designed, simply looking at the pages can help relax you and put you in a prayerful spirit. Joan C. Webb has truly compiled a treasure in this little book.

Here are a couple of excerpts:

Conversation

Watch your words and hold your tongue: you’ll save yourself a lot of grief. Proverbs 21:23 Msg

Some of you tend to say almost anything that pops into your mind. This leads to laughter and rollicking conversation. You’re the life of the party. Your quieter friends may envy your boldness. Yet sometimes you utter a comment and inadvertently hurt someone and cause yourself grief. God doesn’t want to change your effervescent personality. He’s the one who made you – and your more reserved friend. He only wants to temper your thoughts and words to grace others.

Patience
Patient persistence pierces through indifference; gentle speech breaks down rigid defenses. Proverbs 25:15 Msg

Microwave dinners, e-mails and Twitter posts on your cell phone, 24/7 news channels, instant messaging. We’re not used to waiting for much. But when it comes to relationships, we really need patience. You can’t change someone else. You can only adjust your own attitudes and behavior. But positive change takes time, whether it is you or the other person who decides to change. Be encouraged, though. Patience and persistence will pay off in the long run.

What would you do if you knew that you were dying soon? In recent times, there have been several songs and movies dedicated to that question. Would you create a bucket list and set out to do all those things you always wanted to do but never had the time. Would you give your money away? Reconcile with someone you had hurt or forgive someone who had hurt you? Tell someone you love them? Spend more time with your spouse and your children? The point of that question is to encourage us to take our limited time here seriously and focus on what really matters. It is a good reality check to determine if we are choosing to use our time well and embracing life fully. Yet, those songs and movies don’t fully grasp the issue at hand.

Our life here on earth is a great gift from God, but it comes with great responsibility. We have a duty to use it well, not only because to fritter it away is an insult to the gift-giver, but more importantly because it has eternal ramifications. This isn’t all there is. It is certainly good to go out and experience life and visit new places and appreciate the beauty of this world that God created. We are also called to use our gifts and talents to help make the world a better place. But, the true purpose of this life is to lead us to life with God in heaven.

How do we get there? Generations of Catholics can recite the answer to the question: “Why did God make you?” The answer is “God made me to know Him, to love Him, and to serve Him in this world, and to be happy with Him for ever in heaven.” That is it – our purpose in a simple nutshell. Of course, the actual living out of that statement is much more difficult. It is readily apparent that none of us can “earn” heaven. It is a gift freely given by God. Christ’s death and resurrection opened the doors of heaven that had been closed due to sin. We do not merit heaven in any way. However, we can certainly lose that gift.

The scholar in this week’s gospel (Luke 10:25-37) has his eyes on the prize. He asks Jesus, “Teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?” Jesus turns the question back on him “What is written in the law.” The scholar recites the highest commandment, “You shall love the Lord, your God, with all your heart, with all your being, with all your strength, and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself.” He then questions Jesus further, asking “Who is my neighbor?” and Jesus shares the parable of The Good Samaritan. Our neighbor is everyone we come in contact with.

So, then, this is the litmus test with which we should judge our lives. If today was our last day, if we knew we were going to meet our God and have to answer for our lives, how would we fare? What are our priorities? How did we spend our time? What are the areas of our lives we need to work on? None of us is perfect, but we can keep working on our areas of weakness. We can strive for that ideal of perfect love for God and neighbor. Perhaps we can truly live as if we were dying and have the amount of time we do have left (whether that be one day or a hundred years) be better for it.

My family and I were shopping at our local mall today when the fire alarm suddenly went off. While not ear-piercing, it was very loud, and there were strobe lights going off everywhere. Truly, there was no way to miss it. We were done our shopping and heading out of the mall when this occurred. During the five minutes it took us to exit the building, there was no public address announcement to indicate it was a false alarm. While we could not see any smoke or fire, there very well could have been in some other part of the building. As I looked around, I noticed that no one else was moving to the exits. People continued shopping. A few people, especially children, covered their ears in response to the shrill noise, but that was it. Everyone else simply ignored the alarm. Truly, I was flabbergasted by the lack of concern.

As a society, we have become used to false alarms. Car alarms, house alarms – they all get ignored. The media tries to get us worked up about things on a daily basis. There is always a threat du jour, some new thing or food that is bad for us. Most of these are proved false in time. We have learned not to be bothered.

What about in our spiritual life? Do we pay any attention to the alarms that we hear there? Or does our jaded attitude carry over into our relationship with God? As I reflected on this, I thought of John the Baptist crying out in the desert, “Prepare the way of the Lord.” If we encountered him today on the street (there aren’t many deserts in my part of the world), we would most likely move to the other side of the road in an attempt to avoid him. Do we take seriously the need to repent?

We’ve heard Scripture passages so many times, we barely listen during Mass. Can you recall what the Gospel was about this past Sunday? What the priest said in his homily? Do we take the message of the Word of God seriously in our lives? Do we hear God asking us to change our lives?

What about when that little voice inside our head tells us what we are doing is wrong? Do we pay attention to our conscience, or do we ignore it? Do we try to rationalize our behavior? Do we think that because everyone else is doing something that it is okay? Do we want to take the easy road rather than the right road? Do we ignore the alarms inside ourselves, shut them out until our conscience is deadened and the warnings go away?

Despite all the false alarms in our lives, there are alarms that we should take seriously. Contrary to the opinion of my fellow mall shoppers, I still believe that it is better to leave a building when the fire alarm goes off. You can always go back inside when it stops. It is even more important to pay attention to the alarms in our spiritual lives. They rarely come with piercing noises and strobe lights. Instead, they come in whispers, the nagging feeling that something isn’t right in our lives. They come in the Word of God and in answers to prayers. Ignore them at the risk of your eternal lives.

I was recently reading “Ramona the Pest” by Beverly Cleary with my children. A classic from a generation ago, it features a five-year-old Ramona and the trials and tribulations of Kindergarten. One chapter features a battle between her and her neighbor and fellow classmate Howie. She and Howie are really not friends, but their mothers are. Therefore, they end up spending a great deal of time together. In this particular scene they are fighting over a red ribbon. They both have what they perceive to be a rightful claim of ownership to the ribbon. As mothers are prone to doing, one of them tells the two children to share the ribbon. She even suggests that they can cut it in half, thereby solving the problem. About the only thing that Ramona and Howie can agree on is that this is a bad idea! They do not want to share.

As parents, we spend a lot of our time telling our children to share. Sharing does not appear to be an inborn trait. We humans like to own things and keep them for ourselves. Even as adults, sharing is not always easy. This week’s Gospel (Lk 9:11b-17) features that very problem. Jesus and the disciples have 5,000 hungry people on their hands. The disciples want to dismiss them so that they can go find food for themselves. Jesus in turn tells them to feed them. They counter with the fact that they only have 5 loaves and two fishes available. Yet, somehow, once that choice is made to share, there is plenty for everyone. Over the years, I’ve heard different explanations for this. The most obvious one is that Jesus performed a miracle and multiplied the food that was available. Another explanation is that once the disciples started sharing, the people in the crowd started sharing as well. Everybody shared what they had with their neighbor and then there was plenty. I wasn’t there and I don’t know what happened, but, if that was the scenario, then I would say that was a miracle unto itself.

Sr. Kathryn James Hermes reflects on this Gospel in “Living Faith.” She writes that the disciples in wanting to send the people away were guilty of “stingy thinking.” Some of the time, maybe even most of the time, each one of us is guilty of that mindset. We worry that if we share, we won’t have enough for ourselves, instead of trusting that God will multiply our gift freely given and return it to us. If we share, we will always have enough. That’s a tough lesson for both children and adults to comprehend and accept. I am as guilty of it as the next person. When money is tight, there is always that temptation to cut back on charitable giving. What I have found is that those are times I actually need to increase it. When I finally make the decision to be brave and trust that God will provide, the financial pressures ease a bit. Learning to share is one of those things that takes a lifetime to master.

Our Jewish Roots: A Catholic Woman’s Guide to Fulfillment Today by Connecting with her Past

by Cheryl Dickow
BezalelBooks, 2010

Many Catholic women are ignorant of the Jewish roots of our faith and the rich tradition that we share with our Jewish brothers and sisters. Cheryl Dickow seeks to correct that with “Our Jewish Roots: A Catholic Woman’s Guide to Fulfillment Today by Connecting with her Past.” The book is divided into two parts. The first focuses on “Traditions, Teachings, and Truths Rooted in the Jewish Faith.” This section makes for fascinating reading. Topics such as marriage vows, baptismal waters, the role of angels, the importance of good deeds, the power of prayerful intercession, mysticism, and holy feasts are explored from the perspective of their Jewish beginnings. These pages help one realize just how much we do share with our Jewish brethren and how much we Catholics owe to their traditions.

The second portion of the book centers on “Role Models for Today’s Catholic Women.” This is where Dickow truly shines. She begins by discussing a woman’s worth, not our worth as the world often chooses to measure it, but our worth in the eyes of God. “From Eve to Sarah to Deborah to Mary, Scripture assures every woman who has ever lived that her life is both special and valuable. Her life has a purpose and a meaning set by God and necessary to His plan for humankind. Each and every one of us came here with an extraordinary set of gifts and a particular set of circumstances. Our births were the intentional acts of an affectionate, devoted God whose love for us is truly immeasurable. We are as unique and varied as stars in the sky. Our gifts and talents are limitless – even if they sometimes feel non-existent or without value.” Dickow defines true feminism as support of a woman’s vocation, whatever God may have called that particular woman to be. She then goes on to explore the lives of several women from Scripture to illustrate that there is a role model for each one of us.

These women come to life through Dickow’s words and reflections. One will rediscover well-known women such as Sarah, Rebekah, and Rachel, and will perhaps become acquainted for the first time with less famous, but no less important, women such as Lot’s wife, Zipporah, Shiphrah and Puah. Each of these women that Dickow profiles has something to teach us, if we only take the time to reflect on their stories.

“Our Jewish Roots” has much to offer to modern Catholic women struggling with where they fit in God’s big plan. By knowing our history, we can better understand ourselves, our own faith, and the dignity which God has bestowed on women throughout the ages.

In Trinity Sunday’s Gospel, Jesus tells his apostles, “I still have many things to say to you, but they would be too much for you to bear now. However, when the Spirit of truth comes he will lead you to the complete truth.” (John 16:12-13) Jesus was speaking of the ongoing revelation of truth about God. In reflecting upon this passage, I was struck by how it can just as easily apply to how God works in each of our lives.

Unlike some people, I don’t look back at childhood as an idyllic time. I know that going through it was hard. Yes, in retrospect, some of the problems seem small, but they weren’t small at the time. I know that today, despite my best efforts, my children have difficulties that seem huge to them. Being three or five or seven or nine or fifteen is every bit as difficult as being in one’s twenties or thirties. Yes, the problems change, but the struggle remains. We always need God’s help to get through.

When I was very young, I foolishly thought being an adult meant life got easier! While in some ways it did, in most cases the challenges only increased. Now, I realize that as long as I live on this earth, the problems and struggles will continue. I look at people in their sixties and seventies and beyond and see that they, too, still face adversity. It is not only the hardship of growing old physically. They still must deal with the difficulties of relationships and spiritual trials. Life really doesn’t get any easier. If anything, it gets harder.

This is where Jesus’ words ring so true. “I still have many things to say to you, but they would be too much for you to bear now.” None of us can bear the truth of our futures all at once. What if you were a child of ten, just beginning to dream of your life as an adult, and you saw your future and realized that very few of those dreams would come true? Many other good things might happen to you in your life, but you wouldn’t have the perspective to appreciate that fact. You would only experience the pain of failed expectations. Or if on the day one became engaged to be married, one saw all the difficulties one would face in the course of married life? I doubt many people would go through with the ceremony! By the same token, imagine if the day you became pregnant, that whole child’s life was played out for you. All the challenges of being a parent would be laid out all at once. It would indeed be far too much to bear.

Jesus knows this. Life is meant to be lived one day at a time, one lesson at a time, one struggle at a time. The joys are meant to balance out the sorrows. At times, we may be stretched to the very limits of our resources. It may all seem like too much to bear, but Jesus knows what burdens we can handle with His help. Every difficulty serves a purpose. Each step in life leads to the next. Each challenge teaches us more that will help us when the next test comes. Through it all, Jesus is with us, and He sends us his Holy Spirit to guide us. We come closer to the truth of life and the knowledge of God working in our lives one step at a time.

“Sharing the Tradition, Shaping the Future” is a 2001 publication put out by the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops. Designed to be used by small faith-sharing groups over the course of seven weeks, the introduction states that the group “can explore how these basic [Catholic social] teachings affect our individual lives. With the Holy Spirit as a guide, the group can come to new understandings about how to further the work of the reign of God. . . The work of social justice is not the work of a few ‘experts.’ It should affect the lives of all.” The Bible Study I belong to is currently making its way through this text.

The text is good. It is all based in scripture. It offers much food for thought on social responsibility and on how we treat those we perceive as different or less fortunate than ourselves. The challenge comes in with the “suggested actions” at the conclusion of each chapter. The actions are all extremely time consuming. For example, week one suggests “Join your parish social action committee. If your parish doesn’t have one, start one.” Week three offers the following: “If your community has a project to build or repair low-cost housing for the poor, volunteer some of your time. If it does not, find out how you can initiate such a project or a similar project.” All of us in this Bible Study are homeschooling moms. Many of us also work outside the home in some capacity. There are only so many hours in one day. Even a single person would be hard-pressed to complete more than one of these projects, never mind one each week!

Looking at the world’s problems, we can easily become discouraged. After all, they seem so big, and each of us has limited resources. Faced with suggestions like those in this book, one’s discouragement only increases. I do believe that community service is extremely important. Each one of us is called to reach out beyond our own families and friends into the world at large. Different stages of life call for different forms of community service, however. Yes, there are moms who manage (somehow) to make huge contributions to the world while successfully raising their children. Perhaps God called them to this special form of service. Most of us, however, are called to minister in smaller, if not less important, ways.

Mother Teresa offers great encouragement to those of us who find our lives centered mostly on our families. She stated that one of the most important things is for us “to do small things with great love.” Each one of us is capable of that. We can make a difference in small ways, beginning with our families, our friends, our neighbors, and the communities we live in. We can treat people with respect and kindness, give charitably what we can, share what we own, and extend hospitality to others. We can volunteer where and how we are able. We can trust in the ripple effect, that each act of kindness will lead to others. We can (and should) do what we can and trust that God will do the rest.

In Bible Study this week, we were studying the parable of the talents (Matthew 25:14-29). Before going away on a long journey, a master calls in three servants. To one he gives five talents; to another, two; to a third, one – to each according to his ability. Much later, the master returns and asks for an accounting. The one with five has managed to accrue ten. The one with two now has four, but the one with only one had gone and buried his talent. Therefore, it didn’t grow and he only had one to give to his master upon his return. The master was very pleased with the first two servants who had utilized their gifts and made more. The third servant he treated with contempt: “You wicked, lazy servant!” The master then took that one talent from him and gave it to the one who had ten.

The point of this parable is pretty obvious. Even a child would tell you that it means we are supposed to use the gifts that God gives us. He will hold us accountable for what we do with them. It seems rather straightforward. Use our gifts well and they will multiply. Ignore them and they will stagnate. What happens when this doesn’t go according to plan, however?

As one of my friends pointed out, the story needs a fourth servant. The fourth servant is given his talents and he (or in our case, she) goes out and tries to do all she can with her talents. And she fails, repeatedly. Nothing multiplies. Every effort comes up short. In an economic comparison, she invests all she has in the stock market and the stock market has crashed. When the master returns, she has little to show for her efforts, except a bucketload of tears of frustration. As my friend said this. I nodded enthusiastically. Yes, this is where I fall in this parable. I imagine many other people feel this way as well.

Sometimes, life is so hard. We pray to do God’s will and try to do it, and yet we seem to come up empty. The conventional wisdom is that if you are failing, you aren’t doing what God wants you to do – that if you are doing God’s will, you will meet with success. But what if you believe you actually are doing what God wants you to do? Where do we fall in the parable? We are not the servant who buried his gifts. We tried all we could. Did the servants who doubled their talents actually struggle in the process? Did they fall down repeatedly before achieving success? Does the parable just not tell that side of the story? That thought gives me some hope.

Our parable isn’t done being written yet. Maybe God has some plan we just can’t see. Maybe our work, our talents, is bearing some fruit we are unaware of. Maybe we are right where we are supposed to be. All we can do is keep trying. If we are truly doing God’s will, then we are where we belong. I am reminded of Mother Teresa’s statement: “We are not called to be successful, only faithful.” We are the fourth servant. I have to believe the Master will reward us in the end.

“Anyone who wants to save his life will lose it; but anyone who loses his life for my sake, will save it. What benefit is it to anyone to win the whole world and forfeit or lose his very self?” – Luke 9: 24-25

The Gospels are full of messages that contradict what the world at large tells us to do. These words of Jesus from the Gospel of Luke are no exception. We live in a society that values fame above everything else. Everyone needs to market themselves. We need to create a brand and have a platform. One’s talents must constantly be put on display. One must have as many contacts as possible through as many venues as possible. It is necessary for career and life success. There are always new opportunities for self-promotion to pursue.

It may be necessary in today’s world, but in light of this Gospel reading, it gives me pause. At what cost do we seek to “gain the whole world?” Do we lose ourselves, our true selves, in the process? At what point do we lose sight of what really matters? It is a difficult question.

Jesus’ whole message focused on love – love of God and love of others. It is all about what we can do for the other people in our lives, not what the world can do for us. It is about giving rather than taking, shedding light on others rather than seeking the spotlight for ourselves. For many of us, careers are important. The work we do matters. Being successful in them enables us to provide for our families and contribute to society. Therefore, self-promotion becomes part of the package.

Perhaps the key to whether we are losing ourselves in the process lies in the intent. Do we seek fame and attention for its own sake or as a means to achieve something of more lasting value? Is it a way to stroke our own ego and say “aren’t I wonderful?” or is it a way to get out a message and serve others in the process. That line can be a fine one. We are all human and our egos speak loudly. Most of us want to be noticed and appreciated for our gifts. Perhaps our motives aren’t always pure, but we can work on them. We can strive to put the attention on, and give the credit to, God who gave us our gifts. We can make an effort to always put others first.

The praise and attention we get on this earth is transitory. Think of those who gain the highest levels of fame in our society. Do we remember the majority of these people even five years after they have had their names plastered on television and on the cover of magazines? That type of notoriety is short-lived. Even lasting recognition matters little once one leaves this world. When we die, God will not ask us how many headlines featured our names, or how many contacts we had on social networking sites. He will ask us how well we loved and served the human beings we walked through life with. That is the ultimate task and the one we must focus on. It is only in giving up our own life for God and for others that our own lives will matter.