Spiritual Woman

Say the rosary? I can barely squeeze in a “Hail Mary.” Read scripture? I’d like to, but I never get to sit down. Go to daily Mass? It would be nice, but you have got to be kidding. People give many reasons for not praying more. Close to the top of the list is the complaint that “I simply don’t have time.” There are so many other important things vying for our attention. There are children and spouses and parents who need us to help them. There are household chores to complete and work to be done. The to-do list is long and the hours are short. The first thing women do when the demands of the world become too much is cut out time for themselves. Unfortunately, this often includes time for God. We know we should spend more time in prayer, but it is often the first thing to go.

There is a line from the poem that says “I had so much to do, I had to take time to pray.” I have definitely found this to be true in my own life. Days in which I don’t make that time first thing in the morning to connect with God do not go well. I have long known that my relationships with others suffer when I don’t put my relationship with God first. I am much more easily aggravated and lack the patience I should have.

Recently, I have come to the understanding that my ability to be productive depends on my taking that time to pray as well. I honestly do wish that I could attend Mass every day. I look back at the times in my life when I was able to do that and I truly treasure them. Attending Mass and receiving the Eucharist always give me strength and peace. As it is, I try to attend Mass on Saturday mornings. Sometimes, I’m busy with a long list of chores around the house and I have a mental debate with myself over whether I should go or not. I have found, without fail, that those are the days I need to attend Mass most. Once I have turned over that one hour out of my day (including travel time) over to God, I find that he allows me to make the most out of the time I have left. I usually accomplish all I need to and more. On the rare occasions that my to-do list doesn’t get done, I am left with a feeling of acceptance that I accomplished what I needed to. The other things can wait.

The past week, my children were at day camp at a local church. I love my children dearly and I treasure my time with them, but one of the realities of being a homeschooling mom is that time for oneself is severely limited. This week, I was given the gift of twenty-five hours of alone time, and was determined to make the most of them. I had a number of projects I wanted to complete. I also had the opportunity to attend Mass at the church after I dropped them off each morning. It was a little bit of a sacrifice to give up that precious time, but it was a sacrifice well-rewarded. Not only did I get the spiritual benefit of attending Mass, but the time I had left was hugely productive. I got so much done. I know God was helping my projects along.

This is the paradox of prayer. The more time we spend with God, the more he allows us to make use of the time left in our day. It works every time. I invite you to give it a try.

In Bible Study this week, we were studying the parable of the talents (Matthew 25:14-29). Before going away on a long journey, a master calls in three servants. To one he gives five talents; to another, two; to a third, one – to each according to his ability. Much later, the master returns and asks for an accounting. The one with five has managed to accrue ten. The one with two now has four, but the one with only one had gone and buried his talent. Therefore, it didn’t grow and he only had one to give to his master upon his return. The master was very pleased with the first two servants who had utilized their gifts and made more. The third servant he treated with contempt: “You wicked, lazy servant!” The master then took that one talent from him and gave it to the one who had ten.

The point of this parable is pretty obvious. Even a child would tell you that it means we are supposed to use the gifts that God gives us. He will hold us accountable for what we do with them. It seems rather straightforward. Use our gifts well and they will multiply. Ignore them and they will stagnate. What happens when this doesn’t go according to plan, however?

As one of my friends pointed out, the story needs a fourth servant. The fourth servant is given his talents and he (or in our case, she) goes out and tries to do all she can with her talents. And she fails, repeatedly. Nothing multiplies. Every effort comes up short. In an economic comparison, she invests all she has in the stock market and the stock market has crashed. When the master returns, she has little to show for her efforts, except a bucketload of tears of frustration. As my friend said this. I nodded enthusiastically. Yes, this is where I fall in this parable. I imagine many other people feel this way as well.

Sometimes, life is so hard. We pray to do God’s will and try to do it, and yet we seem to come up empty. The conventional wisdom is that if you are failing, you aren’t doing what God wants you to do – that if you are doing God’s will, you will meet with success. But what if you believe you actually are doing what God wants you to do? Where do we fall in the parable? We are not the servant who buried his gifts. We tried all we could. Did the servants who doubled their talents actually struggle in the process? Did they fall down repeatedly before achieving success? Does the parable just not tell that side of the story? That thought gives me some hope.

Our parable isn’t done being written yet. Maybe God has some plan we just can’t see. Maybe our work, our talents, is bearing some fruit we are unaware of. Maybe we are right where we are supposed to be. All we can do is keep trying. If we are truly doing God’s will, then we are where we belong. I am reminded of Mother Teresa’s statement: “We are not called to be successful, only faithful.” We are the fourth servant. I have to believe the Master will reward us in the end.

At Bible Study this week, my friends and I were discussing “passions” – those things that we feel strongly about. According to Quentin Hakenewerth, S.M., “a passion is emotional energy which is attached to some goal or object. Passions help us become lively and resourceful persons.” However, we need to attach this energy to something that is worthwhile. “Saint John gives us three criteria for recognizing passions which are harmful and ego-centered: those which 1) pursue pleasure for its own sake; 2) crave possessions for their own sake; 3) covet status, titles, or rank to build up our image in the eyes of others (cf. 1 Jn 2:16).” On the other hand, one can never be too passionate about those things that come from God – “love, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control” (cf. Gal 5:22-24).

Everyone has something that gets their inner fires burning, and thankfully, these things generally coincide with gifts that have been bestowed upon them from God. The combination of our talents and our passions is the fuel which keeps us going in life. It is the impetus for civilization and relationships and contributions to society. The women whom I am lucky to call friends are all passionate people, yet when we got to the question “Describe a passion you have, for example, a desire to achieve some goal or work on a particular project which gives you lots of energy. What can you do to develop this passion?” the room became eerily silent. We are all mothers, and homeschooling mothers at that. There are so many things we would like to do, some desires admittedly more noble than others, yet they are squashed by a lack of time. There is only so much “emotional energy” that one can muster after a full day of parenting. Even when the energy is there, the time and opportunity are not.

It is true – we mothers do have ample opportunity to practice things like love, patience, kindness, generosity, and self-control. Motherhood is a noble pursuit. I know some women who were truly made to be mothers. I, however, am not one of them. I love my children with all my heart and do all I can for them. They were given to me by God and I treasure the gift and acknowledge the responsibility. I was called to homeschool, despite my initial reluctance. It was definitely the right decision for our family. I’m trying to be the very best mom I can be. I know that I am lucky to have this opportunity. Yet, I am more than that. I am more than the person who takes care of the kids and cleans the house (and I admit, I don’t do that chore particularly well). God gave me other gifts. I was also blessed with the opportunity to obtain an advanced education.

Like my friends, I do try to make use of my passions and talents to contribute to the world at large. It is always in small doses, however. I’ve had older mothers assure me that the day will come when I will get the opportunity to make more use of my gifts. That may be true, or it may not. There is no guarantee that I will live to see that day. Even if I do, there may very well be other people who will need my time and attention – sick parents or caring for grandchildren, for example. The future is a great unknown. All I have is today and the circumstances I find myself in. The unfulfilled desires are frustrating. I sometimes wonder why God made me, what my purpose is in the big scheme of things. I have to trust that he knows better than I do my reason for being here. All I can do is keep going, praying and trying to do the best I can with the time I have. Another wise woman at Bible Study (I told you I was lucky to be among these women!) reminded us all of the importance of acceptance. I need to work on that. I need to be happy where I am and let God take care of the restlessness in my heart.

It’s A Wonderful Imperfect Life: Daily Encouragement for Women Who Strive Too Hard to Make It Just Right
By Joan C. Webb
Ventura, CA: Regal, 2009

If I had the money, I would buy a copy of “It’s a Wonderful (Imperfect) Life: Devotional Readings for Women Who Strive Too Hard to Make It Just Right” by Joan C. Webb for every woman that I know. We all try so hard to do it all and get so down on ourselves when we discover that simply isn’t possible. Webb offers reassuring words based on scripture and rooted in her own experience to tell us that it is all OK. It is alright to let go of some of the pressure that we put on ourselves.

The 163 one-page devotions are divided into sections focusing on relationships, emotions, bodies, life-work, service, churches, culture, dreams and spirituality. If one particular area is troubling you, you can focus on just that section, or you can read it cover to cover as I did. Each page has something worthwhile to offer. For example, Devotion #1, “Smiling Here,” Webb invites us to recall a time we made a blunder and to laugh about it! As she reminds us, “I goofed. No big deal! It doesn’t make me less valuable.” In Devotion #30, “You Mad at Me?” Webb challenges us to stop taking on other’s moods. Women tend to feel that we are the reason someone else is upset or to feel that we must cure it. “The next time a loved one is in a bad mood and you feel the urge to ‘take it on,’ step back emotionally and ask God for wisdom.” Devotion #151, “Management Contract with God,” reminds us to turn over control of our lives to God. “Working for our ultimate good, He counsels us how to heal past damage, overcome self-defeating habits and experience contentment as we trust him for the future.”

“It’s a Wonderful (Imperfect) Life” has much to offer for any Christian woman trying to do it all. I think it would take a lifetime to learn all these lessons, and even Webb admits she is still working on them, but the ability to pick up this book, take a deep breath, and stop and reflect and let go for a little bit is a great gift!

Facebook has been in the news a lot the past couple of weeks. While much of that news concerns the terms of service, in Catholic circles the debate has been about giving Facebook up for Lent. The push behind that movement is that, for many people, Facebook has become an addiction. They have been neglecting the real-life people in their lives in order to spend much of their time interacting with their on-line friends. Obviously, this is a problem. Nevertheless, Facebook, in and of itself, is moral-neutral. Like the internet itself, and television before it, it can be used as a force for good or evil. So, then, how can Facebook be a tool for good?

First, it is a wonderful tool for connecting with old friends. Most Facebook users speak of the thrill of finding people one has long lost track of. It is fascinating to discover where people’s lives have taken them. While requesting “friends” can be somewhat like reliving high school – wondering whether someone will accept your offer of friendship and feeling rejection if they don’t – getting the opportunity to talk with people who you were actually friends with twenty (or more) years ago is great. Don’t neglect your current relationships, but who among us can’t use a few more friends in our social sphere?

Second, it can be used as a networking tool. In the current difficult economic times, reaching out to others within one’s industry is all the more important. Facebook can assist with learning more about one’s profession and making connections with others struggling and succeeding in the same field. Within community groups, it can be a quick way to communicate with large numbers of people effectively and easily.

Third, it can be used as a tool for support and encouragement. If someone is having a bad day and he or she posts a status statement to that effect, one can reach out and offer a word or two of encouragement. It can make all the difference in a person’s day.

Fourth, it can be used to help spread the Good News. From promoting the pro-life cause to posting links to insightful spiritual articles or podcasts, Facebook can be used as a low-key evangelization tool. One can bear quiet witness to one’s faith, inviting others to take part. People have the right to ignore the posts, of course, but the invitation is there.

Fifth, one can support and bring attention to one’s favorite charities. Many charities have fan pages and cause pages. One can invite others to support the same causes and help raise awareness of the many people and organizations working to make our world a better place.

The Facebook phenomenon will not last forever. While it lasts, however, it can also be a tremendous force for good in our world. Use it responsibly. Use it wisely. Use it well.

The mission statement of the Sisters of Life states that they are “a contemplative/active religious community dedicated to protecting and advancing a sense of the sacredness of all human life — beginning with the infant in the womb and extending to all those vulnerable to the threat of euthanasia.” Founded by John Cardinal O’Connor in 1991, the sisters begin with prayer and then go out into the world with outreach to create a culture of life one person and one encounter at a time.

Since their founding, the Sisters of Life have been dedicated to providing practical assistance and spiritual and emotional support to pregnant women in crisis. Many of these women have had abortions in the past and want to give their unborn child life but are unsure of how to cope and move forward. The sisters state that “we strive to bring His peace, the gift of hope and a ‘beginning joy’ to each of these women God sends our way, even amidst what the women themselves readily admit are ‘non-ideal circumstances.’ We have witnessed the truth that ‘life is always a good’ as we have watched it slowly but surely blossom forth in so many of these courageous women with a heart faithful to the call to love.”

At the Holy Respite, located in the heart of Manhattan, New York, pregnant women “most vulnerable to the pressure of abortion,” whether Catholic or not, are invited to come and stay. A woman is welcome not only through the birth of her child, but up to six months after so that she may get back on her feet and begin to create a life for herself and her child.

The Sisters also help those who are suffering from the pain of abortion. The “Entering Canaan” program takes its name from the Exodus experience of the Jewish people crossing the desert to reach the Promised Land. This program takes women “on a Sacramental journey into the true Promised Land of the Heart of Jesus.” Each retreat is directed by women who experienced both the pain of abortion and the healing found in Christ. Retreats are also offered for men who are experiencing pain as a result of an abortion.

Education is yet another mission of the Sisters of Life. Thanks to the generosity of the Knights of Columbus, Villa Maria Guadalupe in Stamford, Connecticut became a reality. “The retreat house hosts Evenings of Recollection, educational seminars on life issues and retreats for everyone (themes include Theology of the Body, Young Adult Retreats, Post-Abortion Healing, and retreats on the Dignity and Vocation of Women). “ It is “a spiritual home for the pro-life community.” The Sisters also staff the Family Life Office of the Archdiocese of New York, supporting marriages and families.

A more recent addition to the Sisters’ outreach has been the creation of an organized group of laity known as Co-workers. These volunteers work out of local or parish communities to provide help to women in need. Some open their homes to pregnant women; others work to help women find resources in their local communities. Men involved as co-workers help move furniture or build cribs or mentor fathers. Health professionals, college contacts, business professionals, counselors, and lawyers are all offering their talents to this effort.

For more information on any of the programs offered by the Sisters of Life, please visit their website at www.sistersoflife.org .

“Grace” is one of those terms we often use without being quite sure of what it means. As a child, I was taught about being in a “state of grace” which meant that one hadn’t committed a mortal (a.k.a. serious) sin. As an adult, I’ve heard grace described as something we can tap into whenever we need help, a force just waiting for us to align ourselves with it. In the mothers’ Bible Study/ Book Club I attend, we are discussing Graced and Gifted: Biblical Wisdom for the Homemaker’s Heart by Kimberly Hahn. For the first chapter, Hahn offers the following discussion question: “How can you get the grace to do God’s will in his strength? Name practical and spiritual strategies for receiving that grace.”

I admit at times I have had the image of grace as water coming out of a faucet. Turn it on and grace appears. Turn it off and it vanishes and we are once again left to our own devices. Surely, there has to be more to it than that. In search of answers and clarification, I turned to the Catechism of the Catholic Church: Second Edition (CCC). The CCC defines “grace” in several ways:

Grace is first and foremost the gift of the Spirit who justifies and sanctifies us. But grace also includes the gifts that the Spirit grants us to associate us with his work, to enable us to collaborate in the salvation of others and in the growth of the Body of Christ, the Church. (CCC 2003)

Grace is favor, the free and undeserved help that God gives us to respond to his call to become children of God . . .partakers of the divine nature and of eternal life. (CCC 1996)

Grace . . . cannot be known except by faith . . .reflection on God’s blessings in our life and in the lives of the saints offers us a guarantee that grace is at work in us and spurs us on to an even greater faith. (CCC 2005)

What does all this mean for those of us struggling through life? First of all, grace is a gift from God, freely given. We cannot earn grace, although we can certainly pray for it. Through our prayer, we help align ourselves with God’s will. God will certainly provide us the help we need to do what He wants us to accomplish. Through the sacraments, God extends His gift of grace in a special way. We have the assistance we need to live out our own vocation and our part in the life of the Church. Grace seems much like the wind – we can’t see it, but we can see what it does. We have to trust that it is there, helping us along when we need it most.

The CCC offers a quote by St. Joan of Arc to illustrate what it means to trust in God’s providence. Joan was on trial and she was asked if she knew she was in God’s grace. She replied, “If I am not, may it please God to put me in it; if I am, may it please God to keep me there.” (CCC 2005) That seems like a good prayer for all of us. May God keep all of us in his grace.

About the Author
Donna Williams is the founder and creator of BusinessBurrito.com – a website dedicated to helping small businesses grow to their maximum potential. She is also a 25-year advertising / marketing executive, creative director, writer, and producer. Together, Donna and her husband currently own and co-own five small businesses. To learn more about Donna and read more of her articles, visit her website at

http://www.businessburrito.com