Spiritual Woman

“I can’t take waiting any more!” My nine-year-old son emphatically announced. “I want to open my presents.”

“But that is what Advent is for. It is a time of waiting,” I responded, attempting to reinforce a bit of religious instruction in the midst of the whining.

“Advent is twenty-eight days of torture!”

I don’t think that he actually believes that Advent is torture. After all, we do lots of fun things during Advent to prepare for Christmas. But, I do understand where he is coming from. As a child, December seemed an interminable stretch of days. Time moved in slow-motion. It seemed to take so long for each candle on the Advent wreath to be lit. Would Christmas ever come? It takes time to realize that the waiting can actually be part of the joy. Anticipating an event and preparing for it can sometimes be just as exciting as the event itself!

My children don’t have much longer to wait, even though they might think that they do. As an adult, Advent seems to pass by in a blur each year. My life is in a constant state of fast-forward. How can it be time to get ready for Christmas already? Didn’t we just do this?

In light of this phenomenon, I can’t honestly say that I wait for Christmas day any more. Still, from a spiritual perspective, I know what it is to wait. I wait for answers to prayers, for healing for all those who are hurting in some way, for peace in my family and in the world, and for the type of joy that is everlasting. I know that the coming of December 25th won’t end the waiting for those types of wishes, even though in my life I have been blessed by at least a couple of Christmas miracles.

Yet, instead of viewing the wait as something painful, I can look forward with anticipation. I know that in God’s time, all my dreams will be fulfilled. In light of eternity, the wait isn’t long at all. God became man to save us from sin, to reopen the doors of heaven for us, to bring us peace, and healing, and joy. That tiny baby in the manger offers the answer to all of our deepest desires. We simply need to trust, and hope, and wait.

I wish you all a very blessed Christmas.

If you have a sibling or more than one child, chances are that you have dealt with the ugly green monster that is sibling rivalry. In a perfect world, children born of the same parents or adopted into the same family would always love, honor, and respect each other. They would share without complaint, applaud each other’s successes, and be happy to not be the center of Mom and Dad’s attention all of the time. But, alas, this is an imperfect world, and sibling rivalry has existed since the days of Cain and Abel. We aren’t going to be able to root it out completely. So, then, our only hope is to attempt to minimize it.

Truthfully, my two boys get along well most of the time – emphasis on most. There are certainly times that one or the other or both have wished (loudly!) that they were only children, but usually they are content to enjoy each other’s company. They are close in age – a mere nineteen months apart – and share many interests and friends which is a blessing. Lately, however, we have been dealing with a serious case of sibling rivalry.

The two of them are taking acting classes at a local drama studio this year and they both love them. When auditions came for the first big play, they were both eager to try out. I hoped beyond hope that they would both either get a role or both get rejected. What happened? You guessed it – my older son got a role and my younger one did not. While it was fortunate that it was that way and not the opposite situation, it still made for some considerable gloating and jealousy.

While David had the opportunity to go out night after night for rehearsals, Isaac was stuck at home. While David got to perform in a large downtown theater five times and get catered meals, Isaac was relegated to the audience. I did try to mitigate the issues as much as possible. I reminded David that talking about the play incessantly, no matter how excited he was about it, was not being kind to his brother. I reminded Isaac that there would be other plays and he would most likely get to be in one that David wasn’t in. I also tried to spend some extra time with Isaac, doing things that he enjoyed while David was out of the house. Still, the hard feelings continued.

As a parent, I was torn. It was wonderful to see David blossom and find something he truly loves and could be good at. As some of you are aware, he has high-functioning autism. Life is hard for him. He struggles academically and socially and athletically. One of the reasons I signed him and his brother up for acting classes is that the school said that they welcomed those who were different. They said it was a place where anyone could excel. That has definitely proven to be the case. The child who fears every new situation has been excited to go to rehearsals and the performances every single time. That, in itself, is amazing.

At the same time, I did feel badly for Isaac. He wanted a part every bit as much. As much as I know that learning to be happy for someone else is an important life lesson, it still hurts to be left behind. He is the younger brother, if not by much, and most of the time he has to wait a year to do the things his brother can do. It isn’t a fun position to be in. In this case, I can’t even guarantee that he will get a role the next time. That is up to the directors and age has nothing to do with it. I can only hope.

Yes, sibling rivalry is alive and well in my household. The play is behind us now and hopefully life, and their relationship, will return to normal – at least for a while. I know, though, as they continue to grow and carve out their individual places in the world, that rivalry will continue. Despite my best efforts, I can’t eliminate it completely. My job in all of this is to continue to emphasize their respective talents and give them the parental attention they need, and hope and pray that their love for each other outweighs their need to compete with each other.

For some good suggestions on dealing with and helping to prevent sibling rivalry, please see this article from the University of Michigan Health System: Sibling Rivalry.

I know that some people don’t allow their children to believe in the Santa myth for a variety of reasons. My parents fell into this category. But, when my children were little, I decided to allow them to enjoy that magic while making sure that they were truly aware that the true reason for Christmas was Jesus. Belief in Santa Claus was only a small part of our Advent and Christmas celebration. They knew that Mom and Dad provided most of the presents underneath the tree but each year, Santa brought one. They also knew that they had to make or buy presents for other people. Still, that belief was important to them.

My mother broke the news to my children that there was no Santa last year – two weeks before Christmas. It wasn’t pretty. My two boys were crying uncontrollably and we made an extremely hasty retreat from Memere’s house that day.

They were certainly old enough to know the truth, and I had planned on telling them right after Christmas, but my younger son asked my mother and she had no problem at all dishing out the cold, hard facts of the situation while I could only watch in shock.

In a way, it was a blessing. She saved me from being the bearer of bad news. Their anger was directed at her, rather than me. And truly, they got over it rather quickly. Thankfully, they still had a wonderful Christmas and still enjoyed watching Santa circle the globe on the Norad Santa Tracker (a great geography lesson!)

Still, it seems like there should be a better way to handle that inevitable question. I think that Kelley Moss has found it. Sixteen years ago, her six-year-old son posed that same query to her and she was speechless. Thankfully, she was in her mother-in-law’s kitchen and the elder woman took over quickly. She explained about St. Nicholas and how he secretly gave gifts to poor children and families. When he died, others started a club to continue the tradition. This was a group of other secret “Santas” who went on to give gifts to others to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ. She invited the young boy to become part of this club. He was thrilled to join, and the following year, when his younger brother was old enough to ask that same question, he was ready with an invitation to the club!

This year, Kelley Moss, a national speaker on “The Gift of Giving,” published The Santa Club, designed for parents and children to read together when the time is right. Beginning with the Biblical quote, “It is more blessed to give than receive,” (Acts 20:15) the book helps to foster generosity in children. It even contains a certificate at the end to officially designate a child as a member of the secret organization. The Santa Club has met with wonderful reviews, even winning a Mom’s Choice Award, awarded to those who create family-friendly media resources.

The corresponding website, The Santa Club, offers more information on the book as well as suggestions of ways to give.

by Patrice Fagnant-MacArthur
Two years ago, I asked many people, both young and old, what they were thankful for in order to compile a list of 100 reasons to be thankful, even in hard times. While some time has passed since I put together that list, times are definitely still hard and the list is definitely still relevant. Looking it over, however, I decided that there were some things I would personally like to add to the list.

For many people, this has been the year of weather-related disasters. My own area of western Massachusetts has seen a tornado, microburst, hurricane, and an October snowstorm which caused an incredible amount of damage. The Federal Emergency Management Agency has been here way more than we would like. After losing our power for a full week, this year I am definitely thankful for the basics – electricity, hot water, heat, and being able to do the laundry. I am also incredibly thankful for good neighbors and friends who made going through that experience much easier. I am also very thankful for all the electrical workers and tree-removal people who came from far and wide to help – after the tornado and after the snowstorm.

In technological developments, while I don’t personally own either one, smartphones and tablet computers are constantly evolving and changing our world. I’m thankful for them as well. I’m also thankful for more traditional means of getting information. I still love to read my newspaper every morning and my children enjoy the comics. I hope that they continuing publishing for a long time to come.

That being said, I now offer you the original list. I encourage you to add your own reasons to be thankful in the comments section. No matter how hard life gets, we all have much to be thankful for. I wish you all a very Happy Thanksgiving!

I am thankful for . . .
1. The health of my family.
2. Taking naps on the couch or in the backyard.
3. Driving the scenic route.
4. Community events open to the public.
5. My (flawed) relationships with God and my family, both immediate and extended. Flawed relationships are much better than none at all!
6. My wife and I have grown together and I am constantly grateful and impressed as she matures.
7. The Word of God.
8. Brief and productive meetings.
9. Quilts and blankets, to keep me warm.
10. My wonderful family and for my best friend, who has always been there with quiet support, encouragement, and words of wisdom, through thick and thin since the day we met.
11. The incredible diversity of people on this planet.
12. Co-workers who don’t mind switching their days off to help you out.
13. Toys.
14. Dirty dishes because it means we have eaten. Thank you for baby giggles; they keep me sane.
15. That God made me.
16. Teddy bears.
17. The feel of a child’s hand in mine.
18. Waking up when you need to even when the alarm doesn’t go off.
19. Babies.
20. The day being silent now that it’s over for the little ones.
21. Movies and CDs being available at libraries.
22. The convenience of e-mail.
23. Wrinkle-free clothing.
24. Christmas lights.
25. Friends who care about me enough to tell me when I am being stupid.
26. Our Veterans.
27. Books, because I can experience the world, learn new things, laugh, cry and connect without ever leaving my couch.
28. My job, especially in this economy.
29. Religious leaders.
30. Volunteers.
31. A cup of hot cocoa on a cold day.
32. Family and friends; love them all!
33. The smell of homemade desserts baking in the oven.
34. Listening to beautiful music.
35. Friends meeting over a cup of tea; a fire in the hearth; a friendly game of Scrabble.
36. My kids, who can always make me laugh.
37. Being friends with my parents.
38. Every member of my family, especially for my mom who is a constant source of support, encouragement and friendship.
39. Enjoyable conversation between friends.
40. Hugs.
41. My family, having a job, having health insurance, and being loved as much as I am.
42. My health, even if I complain about certain aches and pains!
43. My family, my fiancé and being able to go to college.
44. Having a roof over my head.
45. Finding a dollar in an old coat you haven’t worn in years.
46. Enjoyable hobbies and pursuits in life.
47. The forgiveness of God.
48. Schools and colleges.
49. A dictionary & thesaurus, both within arm’s reach.
50. Repairing an object yourself and having it come out perfectly.
51. Hot showers after a hard day of work to ease away the stress of the day.
52. The express line at the grocery store.
53. The generosity of strangers.
54. “Chick Flicks” vs. “Action Movies” and explaining why yours is more enjoyable to the “other team”.
55. Tossed aside treasures at tag sales or wherever they may be found.
56. Duct-Tape!
57. Good role-models we can point to for children to aspire to emulate.
58. Indoor plumbing – imagine life without it.
59. Date nights.
60. Inspiring words that lift our souls in times of crisis.
61. Youth and amateur sports leagues to both watch and play in.
62. People who obey traffic regulations.
63. The trials and losses in my life for they have helped me become a stronger and better person!
64. Our favorite instructors and teachers.
65. People who enjoy reading what we write.
66. Chocolate!
67. Hidden places that you can sneak away to.
68. Health care workers.
69. Internet Maps and GPS devices.
70. Lucky old coins and favorite treasures, both precious and humble.
71. The spring that will come after the winter.
72. All those who came before us great and small have a story to tell. That is what history is all about. So I am thankful to be able to know and learn their stories.
73. Old libraries and their treasures which lay hidden and wait to be re-discovered.
74. People with interesting personalities who make the world better or at the very least, more interesting.
75. Brothers and sisters.
76. Word processing software.
77. Sitting in an open field on a crystal clear night and enjoying the celestial display above.
78. Our furry four-legged friends who have chosen to live their lives with us.
79. Being able to sit at a computer and just watch music videos when we are supposed to be working.
80. Sunrises, sunsets, ocean waves, hidden forests, mossy rocks and mountain streams and all the other wonderments of nature.
81. Our Guardian Angels who stay with us even when we try to refuse their help.
82. A child’s laughter.
83. The wisdom of elders.
84. Works of art.
85. Those perfect parking places which sometimes we are lucky enough to get.
86. The creative minds of others and what they share with us all.
87. Photos, for capturing a moment in time.
88. Relaxing periods of quiet during a busy day.
89. To live in a free country.
90. Bookmarks! No need to fold pages!
91. Museums.
92. Social Networking sites. I’ve always wanted to know what people I haven’t seen since grade school are up to.
93. Sweaters, hats, scarves and gloves.
94. Search engine searches that actually turn up useful results.
95. Good listeners.
96. Parks.
97. Hand-written letters.
98. Bread, the universal side to any meal.
99. Buy one, get two free sales.
100. People who commit their lives to protecting and preserving our cities, states and country.

How do you think of the Sacrament of Reconciliation? If you are like most Catholics, you probably think of it as little as possible! Or, perhaps, you think of it as something good to have available in the event you do something really, really wrong, but not something you need to concern yourself with otherwise. Or, maybe, you go every year during Lent as part of your Easter duties. You feel it is good to get that fresh start once a year.

As hard as it is to believe, the first Sunday of Advent is right around the corner. The start of a new liturgical year is a good time to take stock of one’s spiritual life. What if, this year, you changed how you think about going to Confession?
I have been reading Seven from Heaven: How the Sacraments Can Heal, Nurture, and Protect Your Family Today, a soon-to-be-published book by Elizabeth Ficocelli. She discusses many reasons why the Sacrament of Reconciliation needs to play a more important role in our spiritual well-being.

The Sacrament of Reconciliation a sacrament of healing. When we are sick, we seek out a doctor to help us. When we are spiritually ill due to sin, going to Confession helps to heal our soul. It helps to restore our relationship with God, other people, and the Church. As Ficocelli rightly states, “What we do (or what we fail to do) affects the entire community of believers, as well as the spiritual well-being of the Church.” There is no such thing as a “personal” sin that hurts no one but the person committing it. All sin has a communal dimension.

We don’t only go to the doctor when we are sick, however. We also go in for periodic check-ups, just to make sure everything is working well and that there are no underlying issues lurking under the surface, waiting to cause problems. So it should also be with taking advantage of going to Confession.

None of us is perfect. We always have some sins on our soul. If left untended, those “minor” issues can lead to bigger problems. Reconciliation can help us keep those habitual sins under control. It provides us with God’s grace to do better and root out the sources of sin in our lives. Ficocelli encourages us “to stop thinking of the sacrament as something reserved for grave situations, and begin regarding it as an important source of grace to help us avoid sins and grow in holiness.”

Many years ago, it was a common practice for families to go to Confession every Saturday. Ficocelli shares a wonderful story of such a family. It happened that every Saturday the mother did the laundry and washed all the sheets. When the children came home from getting their souls cleaned, they were able to climb into fresh, clean beds. “The children equated Confession with the feeling of being washed clean and starting the new week fresh and new, just like their bed sheets.”

Perhaps for this coming year, you could start making going to Confession at least once a month a family affair. Children need to go to Confession regularly just as much as adults do. They need the help that it provides and it is good for them to be in the habit of going to Confession for when the more serious temptations and sins of the teen years come into play.

Yes, going to Confession can be difficult. It is humbling and forces us to face our own weakness, but I have generally found that the more frequently you go, the easier it becomes. You start to look forward to that periodic soul cleaning. Attending the Sacrament of Reconciliation regularly is an important part of keeping one’s soul in good working order. Don’t neglect this essential maintenance tool.

We all feel tempted to quit sometimes. Whether they are related to relationships, parenting, or work, there are moments in life when we simply want to throw up our arms in frustration and give up. And, sometimes, we want to blame God. After all, God allowed circumstances to be so hard. Obviously, God doesn’t want us to accomplish whatever it is we are trying to accomplish. Otherwise, the road wouldn’t be so full of potholes and mountains.

I recently had the pleasure of attending the premiere performance of “Present Company Excluded,” a play written by Doug Foresta. Based on the life of Herbert Roth, it tells of a young Jewish boy living in Roth, Germany in the years leading up to World War II. As Roth prepares for his Bar Mitzvah, he questions everything about God. Why doesn’t God talk to him the way he talked to Abraham? Why did God allow his mother to die? Why is God allowing his father’s business to fail and his friends to ignore him simply because they are Jewish?

Towards the end of the play, his step-mother, who Roth wants nothing to do with, is encouraging him to come with her to apply for a visa to leave Germany and go to America. His father has already failed in this task and Roth sees no point to trying again. He has resigned himself to his fate and feels that God is keeping them in Germany. His step-mother tells him that they have to keep trying, because “If you quit, you can’t blame God.”

There is a great deal of truth to that statement. Indeed, it can be very difficult to discern what God wants from us in life. There are certainly times when it seems every door is being slammed against us. It seems that there is no point in continuing and that God must want us to take a different path. Sometimes, He does.

But if that is the case, then the window will open. Other opportunities and circumstances will come our way. If we continue to pray, however, and trust that God is with us, and no other paths open up to us, then we have no reason to quit the road we are on. Yes, it may seem impossibly hard and the outcome uncertain, but we need to keep trying. We need to keep getting up every morning and do our best and leave the rest to God.

God is the one ultimately in charge. I love the statement by Blessed Mother Teresa, “God doesn’t call us to be successful, only faithful.” Our success or failure is determined only by God. He has His reasons for having us on the road we are on. The roadblocks, too, are there for a reason. Although, often it is only in looking back that we can appreciate them. As Roth stated in the play, his mother dying led to his hated step-mother joining the family. She would be the person who would ultimately save all of their lives. God does work in mysterious ways.

Yes, circumstances are hard. But, if we quit, we need to own it. If we stop trying, we can’t blame God and say that it is His fault that things didn’t work out.

I’m really not one to talk about voluntary sacrifices I make – the whole “do not let your right hand know what your left hand is doing” thing. It’s something between me and God. But, I happened to casually mention to a friend that I was basically doing another Lent for 40 Days for Life, which began September 28th and runs through November 6th. The response? “Wow! That’s really stupid.”

It was not that this individual thought that the pro-life movement was stupid . No, this person is staunchly pro-life. Rather, it was the idea that I thought that my giving up something would in any way help the cause.

At first, I was deeply offended. As I thought more about it, however, I realized that most people probably share my friend’s opinion and it was worth giving some time (and a column!) to. Do our sacrifices actually matter or I am simply denying myself needlessly? If they do matter, how does it work?

Obviously, this kind of sacrifice is different than the Lenten version, which is done in a spirit of mortification and penance – to acknowledge and make reparation for one’s own sinfulness and attachment to worldly goods and to focus more on God and prayer. This type of sacrifice isn’t being offered up for oneself, but rather for another.

The answer lies in the Catholic belief in the Communion of Saints. We profess this every week when we say the Nicene Creed at Mass: “We believe in the Communion of Saints,” but what does that actually mean? It means that all of us – those in heaven, those in purgatory, and those of us struggling here on earth are all interconnected.

The Catechism of the Catholic Church states the following:
The Christian who seeks to purify himself of his sin and to become holy with the help of God’s grace is not alone. “The life of each of God’s children is joined in Christ and through Christ in a wonderful way to the life of all the other Christian brethren in the supernatural unity of the Mystical Body of Christ, as in a single mystical person.”

In the communion of saints, “a perennial link of charity exists between the faithful who have already reached their heavenly home, those who are expiating their sins in purgatory and those who are still pilgrims on earth. Between them there is, too, an abundant exchange of all good things.”

In this wonderful exchange, the holiness of one profits others, well beyond the harm that the sin of one could cause others. Thus recourse to the communion of saints lets the contrite sinner be more promptly and efficaciously purified of the punishments for sin. (1474-1475)

Therefore, the good acts of one can indeed help someone else. Pope Benedict XVI emphasized this idea in his Lenten message for 2009. He stated that “by freely embracing an act of self-denial for the sake of another, we make a statement that our brother or sister in need is not a stranger.” In the case of “Forty Days for Life,” those participating are offering sacrifices and prayers to help unborn children and their mothers, all of whom are most certainly part of the Communion of Saints.

A belief in the value of sacrifice to help another person takes faith. Like many other situations, we may never see the fruit of our actions. People may indeed think that we are being dumb and denying ourselves needlessly. We trust in God and in his mercy and humbly offer our small gifts of self-denial. In the end, God’s opinion is the only one that truly matters.

The Lord said to Moses, “Tell the Israelites: On the first day of the seventh month you shall keep a Sabbath rest, with a sacred assembly and with the trumpet blasts as a reminder; you shall then do no sort of work, and you shall offer the oblation to the Lord.” (Leviticus 23:23-25)

I’m embarrassed to admit how little I actually know about Judaism, but I’m always interested in learning more. An article in The Springfield Republican about Rosh Hashanah by Rabbi Max Davis set me on a mission to find out more about the Holy Day of the Jewish New Year.

The creation of this Holy Day by the Lord is recorded in the book of Leviticus. Rosh Hashanah literally means “Head of the Year” and will be celebrated this year the evening of September 28th through the evening of September 30th. The Jewish people are beginning the year 5772 on their calendar. Rosh Hashanah is known by a few other names. It is referred to as Yom Ha-Zikkaron (the day of remembrance) or Yom Teruah (the day of the sounding of the shofar). It is also known as Yom HaDin which translates as “Judgment Day.” As Rabbi Davis states, “It is considered a judgment day of sorts, the days upon which God scrutinizes our deeds of the previous year and notes whether or not we have lived up to our potential.”

One of those areas of living up to our potential is in the realm of our personal relationships. Rabbi Davis continues, “Rosh Hashanah celebrates the fact that it is never too late to attempt to repair our friendships, even if they are stale or sour. Rosh Hashanah bids us to seek forgiveness from the Almighty as well as from fellow mortals – and be willing to grant forgiveness too whenever possible. We are urged to mend our fractured relationships through prayer, dialogue and most importantly, through pushing ourselves to look in the mirror and admit fault when we see it.”http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif

One of the customs that is part of Rosh Hashanah is Tashlikh (“casting off”). According to Judaism 101, “We walk to flowing water, such as a creek or river, on the afternoon of the first day and empty our pockets into the river, symbolically casting off our sins. Small pieces of bread are commonly put in the pocket to cast off.”

We Catholics have the wonderful gift of the Sacrament of Confession for casting off our sins, but we can always use the reminder to repair our human relationships. It is a sad fact of life, but we all hurt, and are hurt by, those we care about. We let important relationships fade because of these hurts – it sometimes seems easier to walk away then deal with the messiness of human life. We hate to have to admit we were wrong.

“I’m sorry” can be the hardest words to say. “I forgive you” falls into that category as well. Yet, those two statements, provided that the meaning behind them is genuine, can go a long way in healing our wounded relationships.

Rosh Hashanah is a Jewish Holy Day, but we can all take a lesson from it. What relationships do we need to heal? What apologies do we need to offer? What forgiveness do we need to extend? This is the time to begin anew.