Spiritual Woman

I think that one of the hardest things about being a Mom is the realization that I am no longer only responsible for my own soul. I am also accountable for my children’s souls as well. I have to teach them right from wrong and how to make good decisions. I need to teach them how to pray and how to lean on God always. I must show them what is important in life. I also need to help them know what to do when they make a mistake.

My sons are young (nearly nine and seven), but are growing up quickly. These are their prime formative years. They are like little sponges, absorbing everything they are exposed to. They are very concerned with what is good and bad, and what is “medium” – their term for something moral-neutral. They both have made their 1st confessions and now attend that sacrament on a regular basis. They are concerned about sin and doing what is right. I never thought that I would be called upon to make a moral determination about almost every action they make throughout the course of a day. Some days, it is truly exhausting. Yet, I realize the importance of it. If they are going to have a well-formed conscience, it is up to me to help make it that way.

One of my friends commented recently that the only thing she got from attending Catholic school was a conscience. I told her that wasn’t a bad thing to get. Yes, sometimes having a highly-formed conscience can seem like a burden. Wouldn’t doing what we want without those feelings of guilt make life so much easier? It seems like that is how most of the world operates. Aren’t they the ones who are truly free, the ones who get to enjoy life? No, it only seems that way. It is evil’s illusion.

The Catechism of the Catholic Church states that “The education of the conscience is a lifelong task. From the earliest years, it awakens the child to the knowledge and practice of the interior law recognized by conscience. Prudent education teaches virtue; it prevents or cures fear, selfishness and pride, resentment arising from guilt, and feelings of complacency, born of human weakness and faults. The education of the conscience guarantees freedom and engenders peace of heart.” (CCC 1784) We will be happier in the long run if we both learn and do what is right. The choices aren’t always easy. The guilt when we act in error can be huge and long-lasting. Yet, it is much better than the alternative – living without a moral compass.

How, then, is a good conscience formed? Divine law must always be the first consideration. What do the Ten Commandments dictate? They are our guidelines for living in right relationship with God and neighbor. Sometimes there are situations where the decisions are not easy, but a person “must always seriously seek what is right and good and discern the will of God expressed in divine law.” (CCC 1787) One may need to seek the “advice of competent people, and the help of the Holy Spirit and his gifts.” (CCC 1788) The Catechism also offers three rules that must be followed in all cases: “One may never do evil so that good may result from it; the Golden Rule: ‘Whatever you wish that men would do to you, do so to them;’ and ‘charity always proceeds by way of respect for one’s neighbor and his conscience.’” (CCC 1789)

Forming conscience is a long-term project. My children will not know what to do in every case by the age of ten, or fifteen, or even twenty. Yet, I must do my best to give them the tools to make the best decisions they can in light of God’s direction. It is the same thing I strive to do in my own life (while acknowledging that I sometimes fail). It is an awesome task, but one that every Catholic parent must take on.

The Handbook for Catholic Moms: Nurturing Your Heart, Mind, Body, and Soul
by Lisa M. Hendey
Notre Dame, IN: Ave Maria Press, 2010

Reading The Handbook for Catholic Moms: Nurturing Your Heart, Mind, Body, and Soul is like having a warm and inviting conversation with a group of your closest Mom friends. Lisa Hendey, founder of CatholicMom.com, shares her own wisdom garnered from 18 years of parenting, as well as the collected wisdom of the Catholic Mom community.

Divided into four sections, Heart, Mind, Body, and Soul, Hendey explores all aspects of a mother’s life. Heart focuses on “developing nurturing relationships with our family, our friends, and ourselves.” Mind centers on “becoming life-long learners, seeking creative outlets, exploring career and work issues, and employing time management and personal productivity tactics. Body stresses “nutrition, fitness, sleep, stress reduction, and preventative care matters.” Soul spotlights “coming to know and love the many resources, devotions, and concepts in the fullness of the Catholic Church that can help us care for ourselves and for the most important people in our lives.”

“The Handbook for Catholic Moms” offers concrete advice on all of these topics. The suggestions are based on real-life experiences. For each topic, Hendey offers personal stories and counsel from other Catholic moms (I was honored to be among those invited to offer a reflection). Each chapter features “Mom’s Homework” which includes suggestions on action steps one can take to work on the issue under discussion. There are also web resources for further information.

“The Handbook for Catholic Moms” is the perfect resource for moms at all stages of their parenting journey. You will find yourself nodding in agreement, laughing at some of the stories and tearing up at others. You will gain important kernels of knowledge you can put to use. Most importantly, you will feel encouraged in your vocation as a Catholic mother.

Love is patient, love is kind.
It is not jealous, it is not pompous,
It is not inflated, it is not rude,
it does not seek its own interests,
it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury,
it does not rejoice over wrongdoing
but rejoices with the truth.
It bears all things, believes all things,
hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

In the second reading for this weekend, St. Paul offers a beautiful description of all that love should be. This teaching is appropriate for all kinds of love – love between family members, love between friends, and love between spouses. It offers a blueprint of how to live in harmony with those important to us. The love described in this scripture passage is the ideal, yet it stands in stark contrast to the image of love that popular culture presents, especially for married couples.

It smacked of irony that the same day I heard this reading, I heard of two young couples who are considering divorce. They both have been married less than three years, and one couple has a small child. Marriage isn’t what they expected. They just aren’t in love with each other anymore.

I’m not close to these couples and I know that the only people who knows what goes on in a marriage are the two people involved. There are certainly reasons why some couples shouldn’t be married, terrible things that no one should have to endure. There are also some people who were not able to make that marriage commitment in the first place for whatever reason. My intention is not to condemn anyone.

Nevertheless, I hear more and more people using the reason “we’re not in love anymore” as a reason for divorce. It makes me wonder what these people think that love is supposed to be. Is their idea of love St. Paul’s description or the world’s idea that love is fireworks and romance?

Anyone who has been married for a while knows that marriage is not all wine and roses. Two imperfect people joined in holy matrimony create an imperfect union. Romance often gets lost in the work of day to day living. Marriages have ups and downs and those downs can last for years. Rough spots can be trying to the soul and to the relationship. There are going to be times when the thought of being married to the same person for the next however many years is simply too much to bear. There will be times when walking away seems like the only reasonable solution.

The best advice I ever got when I was getting married came from a coworker. She had been married for eleven years at the time. She told me, “I can stay married, if only for today.” I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I’ve repeated that advice to myself. That is what a good marriage is made of – one day at a time. It is getting up and choosing to live St. Paul’s version of love, even when the feeling is not there. It is choosing to be patient and kind and putting the other person first. It is praying for the strength to keep going. I wish that more people spoke that truth to young couples who are getting married.

Love is all those wonderful things that St. Paul talks about. Love, true love, is also hard. It takes a strong commitment and a willingness to get through the difficult times one day at a time. Then we can live the true vision of love that God wants for us.

My Big Book of Catholic Bible Stories

Compiled by Heidi Hess Saxton
Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson, 2009

Reviewed by Patrice Fagnant-MacArthur

I was so excited to get “My Big Book of Catholic Bible Stories” in the mail. Well- known Catholic writer and editor Heidi Hess Saxton has done an incredible job pulling this valuable resource together. Over 175 Bible Stories have been culled from the New Revised Standard Version Catholic Edition text. To supplement these, Saxton has included an introduction, a prayer, and a “Going Deeper” section for each story. The “Going Deeper” features further references relating to the story and actions one can take to further one’s knowledge or put the Bible lesson into practice. For many of the stories, there are also “Did You Know?” features which add a little bit of extra information, a “Quote of the Day” from a saint, or “Special Words” which emphasizes vocabulary one might not be familiar with. She has also interspersed pages dedicated to Catholic prayers.

“My Big Book of Catholic Bible Stories” is attractively designed, with kid-friendly headings and color-coded sections. The beautiful illustrations by Natalie Carabetta only add to the experience. This is a book that children will greatly enjoy looking at and sharing with their parents. It is primarily targeted to the 7 – 12 age range, although children younger and older could certainly benefit from it. I heartily recommend “My Big Book of Catholic Bible Stories” to any Catholic family searching for a kid-friendly Bible. Perhaps the best endorsement is how much my two boys (ages seven and eight) enjoyed looking through this book. They said it was much better than the kids’ Bible that they currently have!

Do I Have To Go?
by Matthew Pinto and Chris Stefanick
West Chester, PA: Ascension Press, 2008

“Do I Have to Go? 101 Questions about the Mass, the Eucharist, and Your Spiritual Life” is primarily written for teenagers and young adults who are questioning the reason for needing to go to Mass each Sunday. Yet, Matthew Pinto and Chris Stefanick have gone far beyond their intended purpose. This book is a succinct study in why our Mass is the way it is and the benefits it holds for our lives. It is worthwhile for anyone who wants to learn more about the Mass. The question and answer format makes it very readable. The questions are ones that many may have asked. Examples include, “How do we know that God exists?” “Why does Mass have to be so boring?” “Do I really have to go to Mass every Sunday?” and “What evidence is there that the early Church believed in the Real Presence?” Pinto and Stefanick are able to take some very complex realities and make them understandable. “Do I Have to Go” is also a great resource for when someone asks a question about our Mass and you aren’t exactly sure of the answer. In reading this, I learned several things about why we use the words we do and make the gestures we do at certain points in the liturgical celebration. I highly recommend “Do I Have to Go?” for anyone who has questions about the Catholic Mass.

This month long period of Ordinary Time between the Christmas season and the start of Lent offers a good opportunity to reflect on the meaning and importance of Sunday. The keeping holy of Sunday is both a continuation and a new fulfillment of the Jewish law to “keep holy the Sabbath.” The Sabbath is on Saturday, the seventh day of the week, the day that God rested after the work of creation was done. Keeping the Sabbath was “a sign of the irrevocable covenant” between God and Israel. “The Sabbath is for the Lord, holy and set apart for the praise of God, his work of creation, and his saving actions on behalf of Israel.” (Catechism of the Catholic Church, 2171)

In the Christian tradition, Sunday has become our holy day, our day of worship and rest. “Jesus rose from the dead ‘on the first day of the week.’ Because it is the ‘first day,’ the day of Christ’s Resurrection recalls the first creation. Because it is the ‘eighth day’ following the Sabbath, it symbolizes the new creation ushered in by Christ’s Resurrection. For Christians it has become the first of all days, the first of all feasts, the Lord’s Day.” (CCC 2174)

Each week, Sunday is meant to be a time of celebration, a mini-Easter, an opportunity to worship and rejoice and rest! How lucky we are! Yet, sometimes, we do not view it that way - especially we moms who never actually get a day off. Sundays simply result in a different set of duties. Even going to Mass can be a struggle. There is the effort of getting everyone up and out of the house (sometimes with considerable protestations). Then, there is the challenge of keeping everyone quiet and well-behaved in Church. Anyone who has experienced Mass with a crying baby, screaming toddler, or antsy preschooler can relate. Mass can be the most stressful hour of the week! Yet, it is still important to go. The Eucharist feeds our soul, giving us strength for the week ahead.

It is also important for our children. I always felt that they got some grace out of simply being there, even in the days when them paying attention was simply not happening. They also learned from the smallest age that on Sundays we go to Mass. It is an important part of life and it isn’t optional. Pope Benedict XVI offered the following insight into attending Mass at World Youth Day in 2005, “Sometimes, our initial impression is that having to include time for Mass on a Sunday is rather inconvenient. But if you make the effort, you will realize this is what gives a proper focus to your free time.”

Sunday does invite us to dedicate more time to God and to our own rest as well. It is meant to be pleasant and to provide the opportunity to do things and see people that bring us joy. Moms may need to make a special effort to get that rest. It most likely isn’t going to be an all-day experience, but if we can grab an hour or two to engage in some activity that refreshes us, a recreation that truly re-creates us so that we can approach our familial responsibilities with a lighter heart, both we and our families will be better as a result. That activity may need to take place Saturday night (technically part of the Sunday celebration) after the children are in bed, or early Sunday morning. There is time, although at first it may be a struggle to find it. Soon, however, it will become a routine and something to look forward to each week! God wants us to rest and enjoy His day. We need to worship and we need to celebrate. Sundays exist for Moms, too! He knows we need them.

Have a Little Faith: A True Story

by Mitch Albom
New York: Hyperion, 2009

In Have a Little Faith: A True Story, Mitch Albom, the author of such best-sellers as “Tuesdays with Morrie” and “The Five People You Meet in Heaven” has once again hit a home run. This true-life tale begins with a question. An elderly Rabbi named Albert Lewis asks Albom to give his eulogy. Taken aback by the question, he asks the Rabbi, who he refers to as “Reb” if he is dying. “Not yet,” he replies. In many ways, “Have a Little Faith” is about that “not yet.” It is about the journey that Albom takes to get to know this Rabbi better as well as the spiritual journey that takes place within Albom as a result. Interspersed in the story is the tale of another man of God, Pastor Henry Covington.

Covington has taken an unlikely route to the ministry and ministers to unlikely Christians. At first, the reader will wonder how these two tales are connected. The story of an upstanding Rabbi facing his decline, and the tale of a young drug dealer seem to have little in common. Albom, always the consummate story teller, has done a fine job of interweaving them into a beautiful portrait of what it means to serve God. The reader will have to wait for those connections to make themselves clear, but the wait is definitely worth it.

At the time when Albom is asked to write and deliver Lewis’ eulogy, he hadn’t really been around him in twenty-five years. Even as a child, he had attempted to run away from him. “He was tall, six foot one, and I felt tiny in his presence. When he looked down through his black-rimmed glasses, I was certain he could view all my sins and shortcomings. So I ran. I ran until he couldn’t see me anymore.” As an adult, Albom had moved away both figuratively and literally. He decides he needs to get to know Lewis better in order to do him justice in this final farewell. What Albom thinks will be a few meetings turns out to be eight years of interaction. Albom deftly shares stories from long ago with lessons from the “Reb” now until the reader is granted a very moving picture of him. In one particularly insightful passage, Albom tells of the Rabbi’s pain when his young daughter died. Albom asked him that unanswerable question, “Why do bad things happen to good people?” he honestly answered “No one knows.” Yet, this never caused the Rabbi to question his faith in God. Atheism held no appeal for him. He stated, “It is far more comforting to think God listened and said no, than to think that nobody’s out there.” The Rabbi also shared his great secret of happiness with Albom. It’s very simple, really - be satisfied and be grateful for what you have.

“Have a Little Faith” is about the journey - of these two men of God who Albom rights about and about Albom’s own journey. Yet, readers will find their own journey in these pages as well, for humans, regardless of their faith traditions, reach out for the God that created them. We are always searching and hoping to discover more. In his conclusion, Albom writes that “it hit me, finally, that this was the whole point of my time with the Reb and Henry: not the conclusion, but the search, the study, the journey to belief.” For me, reading and experiencing “Have a Little Faith” was one more step on that journey.

Albom has stated that 10% of the profits from this book will be donated to charity, including the Hole in the Roof Foundation, which helps refurbish places of worship that aid the homeless. Find out more at www.aholeintheroof.com.

Is Yahweh pleased by burnt offerings and sacrifices or by obedience to Yahweh’s voice? Truly, obedience is better than sacrifice, submissiveness than the fat of rams.
1 Samuel 22

As adults, hearing that we should obey anyone tends to make us chafe a bit. After all, obedience is for children who can’t yet be trusted to make good responsible decisions for themselves. Having reached the age of maturity and gained a certain amount of experience and wisdom in the process, we feel that we should be able to decide for ourselves what the best course of action should be. Yet, a closer look at what it means to truly obey may make us realize that it is a wise course of action.

The word “obey” comes from the Latin “ob” + “audire” which means “to listen closely.” Listening is much harder than it seems, listening closely that much more so. Even in our human communications, we rarely give others our full attention. We have one ear to our children while we do our daily chores. We converse with our spouses while watching television or working on the computer. Even when there is nothing physically taking our attention away from the person in front of us, our minds are often elsewhere. We are busy thinking about what we are going to say next or our to-do list for the day. We may hear the words but we are not truly listening. It is hard to give those we are with the full attention that they deserve; the attention that we would like to receive in return.

If it is difficult to pay close attention to the person standing right in front of us, how much harder is it to listen closely to God who speaks in quiet whispers? This is no small task in our noisy world. We need to shut off the distractions around us. Perhaps even more difficult, we need to turn off the noise inside our head. We need to focus, so that prayer can become a two way conversation and not just us doing all the talking.

God also speaks to us through other means. His Word and intention comes to us through Scripture, through our spiritual leaders, through spiritual readings, and from the wisdom of close friends and family who know us well. When we are truly attempting to listen to God, to obey God, the direction can come in many ways. The key point is that we need to pay attention. We need to be open to God speaking in our lives. God wants us to listen and to do His will. We need to hear it and then do it. Our lives will be better that way. Obedience isn’t a burden; it is a gift. If we can begin to see it that way, perhaps we will be more open to the possibilities it offers for our lives.

The Liturgical Year: The Spiraling Adventure of the Spiritual Life - The Ancient Practices Series
by Joan Chittister, OSB
Nashville, TN, 2009

Having read several of the books in “The Ancient Practices Series” edited by Phyllis Tickle, I was excited to get my hands on this latest offering. “The Liturgical Year” focuses, as the title suggests, on the feasts and seasons that make up our liturgical year. Sr. Joan Chittister, a Benedictine, was an interesting choice for the author of this book in this particular series. Overall, this series has had a decidedly evangelical bent and sought to present the ancient practices from a variety of religious traditions. This offering is 100% Catholic which I am sure aggravated many readers of this series. As a Catholic myself, I was thrilled.

Sr. Joan has a mixed reputation among Catholics. Many love her. Many hate her. Some of the books she has written have made my blood boil. Others have been very insightful. This falls into the latter category. It is a well-written introduction to the reasons for our liturgical year and the benefit found in following the seasons of joy and sorrow. Each year that we repeat the process finds us in a different place, with new insights and new wisdom and new challenges to be faced. The liturgical calendar invites us to once again experience Jesus’ life and glean the lessons appropriate for us at that moment. “The liturgical year is an adventure in bringing the Christian life to fullness, the heart to alert, the soul to focus. It does not concern itself with the questions of how to make a living. It concerns itself with the questions of how to make a life.”

The main focus of the liturgical year is the Easter experience. Yet the liturgical year contains four major kinds of celebrations. The first celebration is Sunday, the weekly remembrance of the Resurrection. Second, we celebrate two major seasons - Advent, before Christmas, and Lent, before Easter. Third, the sanctorial cycle commemorates the holy lives of those that have come before. Lastly, Ordinary Time which lasts after Christmas until the start of Lent, and then again after the Easter season until Advent bears witness to the “ongoing presence of Christ in the human community today.” Chittister explores each of these four celebrations, both from a historical and a spiritual perspective. She examines the importance of balancing joy and sorrow, fasting and celebration, as well as embracing the “normal” state of Ordinary Time.

She also dedicates a chapter to the Marian feasts which celebrate the Mother of God. “The feasts of Mary in the liturgical year are a virtual catalog of the works of God in humanity in the Incarnation of the divine in our midst. She is, the ancient prayer reminds us all, ‘blessed among women.’ She is simply a woman like ourselves whose acceptance of the will of God changed the trajectory of humanity. The implications for the rest of us are awesome. The implications for women as women are particularly impacting.”

I can’t imagine life without following the liturgical year. It is so much a part of who I am as a Catholic. As Chittister states in her conclusion, “The liturgical year is the experience, in the present, of the mysteries of the past and their promise that the reign of God will, someday, eventually, be fulfilled in the future. It is in the liturgical year where we come to realize that time, life, the real world, is where we encounter God. And that is the essential, the engendering, the ultimate adventure of life.” I would recommend “The Liturgical Year” to anyone who wanted a better understanding of why we Catholics celebrate the year the way that we do.

I’m teaching Pre-K through 1st grade CCD this year for my parish. To say that it is a challenge for me would be the understatement of the year. I have fourteen students, most of whom are highly energetic little boys. After sitting through the Children’s Mass, the last thing these children want to do is sit through an hour and a half class. They don’t like to listen to stories, so I generally try to present the lesson of the week using crafts and games and activities. This week’s lesson was on forgiveness.

One of the crafts I had planned was a cross with five hearts - one in the middle and one on each of the four extending sections. On the center heart was written “Love is Forgiving.” The students could decorate the other four hearts any way that they wanted. My eight-year-old son had created the sample. On his he had used the other hearts to repeat the sentiment in the middle. Many of the students followed suit. One first grader, however, wrote “I am forgiving God” on his outside hearts.

On the spur of the moment, I was taken aback by his words. I told him “Well, God doesn’t need to be forgiven for anything because he doesn’t do anything wrong, but sometimes, it seems like we need to forgive him when we get mad when something goes wrong,” and continued on to the next student. I’ve spent the rest of the day, however, thinking about the idea of forgiving God.

What I told the young man was true. God certainly doesn’t need to be forgiven by us. He is all-knowing, all-powerful, and all-good. God doesn’t make mistakes. From our limited perspective, though, we often see it differently. Natural disasters occur which wreak havoc. Young children suffer with illnesses no one should have to face. Loved ones die just when we need them most. The world is full of evil and pain and suffering and while God doesn’t want it to happen, He does allow it. It doesn’t make much sense. Some people even use such an argument to maintain that there is no God, or if one exists, He isn’t a personal God who cares about us. We believe differently, but it doesn’t make being hurt by God any more easy to take.

God knows best. We tell ourselves that there is a reason for the suffering. There is a greater purpose behind the pain that someday will be revealed to us. In the next world, all will make sense. But we live in the now. In this moment of our hurt and pain, we often blame God. We question God. We want to know why. We think we know better. In our anger, we need to forgive God - not because He needs it, but because we do.

Forgiveness is freeing for the one who offers it. Anger takes a great deal of mental energy and emotional energy to maintain. It can eat you up inside if you let it, pushing out all the joy and happiness and not allowing room for anything else. If one is angry at God, one ceases to see the good that He does in one’s life. Everything is seen through that filter of hurt and pain. It is a process, but we need to let go. I think it is important to note that my student wrote “I am forgiving God.” It is not a completed action. It is ongoing. We do need to accept that there will always be pain on this side of heaven. We also need to accept that there is a reason for it. Forgiving God can be part of the healing process and bring us into deeper relationship with Him. It is one more step in having complete trust in His will.